Are you a FLOBB?

If so, we may be related!

My real name is Denzil Patric Nigeletta Flobb born 13th February 1951 in a marsh in Chiselhurst Kent while my parents were on the run from the Triads.

My father Adolf Felicity Flobb died shortly after midnight on 14 February 1951 from natural causes related to a hail of bullets. He lies in an unmarked grave in this Tupperware box.

My mother Hysteria Djanogly Flobb was originally a Chevenix-Trench but when they ran out of Chevenix she retrained as an industrial canal. She had siblings Gussie (died 1920) Linthropp (died 1921) Ebenezer (moved to San Francisco, changed name to Chip Shaft, died 1976 of terminal Magnum-type-moustache-itis) Euphemia (died of being called Euphemia, possibly in 1981 but no one was taking much notice) and Janice (now Perpetual President of the Multi-Global Greed Corporation, hi there Auntie you don’t look a day over 28 and I’ve always respected your values). My mother now lives under this stone.

Since my recent serious illness (having unwisely attempted to read The Journals of Rayner Heppenstall) I have become very interested in family history and also genealogy and moreover would like to compile a family tree of everyone who is in any way related to my family or even not.

So if you’re a Flobb – on whichever side of the blanket – why don’t you get in touch with me giving as much detail as possible of how we’re related and how many gold bars you’re going to leave me in the event of your sudden and unforeseen demise?

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(REAL) DEATHS IN NOVEMBER 2005

16 November: Ralph Edwards, who persuaded the town of Hot Springs, New Mexico, to change its name to ‘Truth or Consequences’. 17 November: Sam, awarded the title of World’s Ugliest Dog for three consecutive years, 2003-5. 28 November: Professor D R Shackleton Bailey, whose ten-volume edition of Cicero’s letters was dedicated to a cat.
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One extra death that’s rather too real for comfort: Marty Stoetzle, better known as Zen Clown, that most assiduous and dedicated of contributors to Ask A Drunk and Mindless Prattle, passed away on December 20th. He was 59.

A Hindu poem he often used to include in his emails:

Sometimes naked, sometimes mad.
Now the scholar, now the fool.
Thus they appear on Earth:
The free men.

Too right. Rest in peace my dear sir.

P.S. (3 Jan 06) In memory of happier times, here’s the thread on which Zen Clown resigned from Mindless Prattle in January last year.