Slave To The Meme

7 things I’d like to do before I die.

Escape from this giant zip-up pencil-case.

7 things I can’t do.

Inhale and exhale simultaneously.

Fly through corned beef.

Walk down the street without twitching and holding on to roadsigns.

7 things that attracted me to my partner.

Her lack of discrimination.

7 things I often say.

Don’t be concerned, it’s just a side-effect of medication.

The spiders, the spiders!

7 films.

Sand and Gravel Extraction

Les Parapluies de Biggleswade

Salo: 120 Days of Yes Dear, Very Nice

7 books.

How Bletchley Cracked The Green Cross Code

How to operate your Betamax Cartridge Pop-Sideways Toaster

What to do in a major chemical leakage (= turn to froth)

7 memes.

List your aunts, in descending order of tediousness.

Write a story about a pencil sharpener (minimum 3,000 words).

Only Post If You Have Something Interesting To Say.

(It’ll never catch on.)

Melodies for sick minds

MAY God smite and pulverise SupertonicCDs.com for putting Beautiful Child by Eva McIntyre at the top of their ‘Pick of the Month’ list.

This is what happens when you let go of the idea of moral and aesthetic standards: people start praising a clapped-out old fishwife who couldn’t even get herself a gig at the Frontier Club, Batley.

Blimey, if we’d known this was how the world was going to end up, we wouldn’t have bothered to pour our life’s blood into initiating sub-sub-sub-committees of the General Synod to examine abstruse questions of liturgiology.

All I can say about Beautiful Child is, don’t buy it, don’t play it, don’t talk to anyone about it, lest you initiate a drip-drip-drip of corruption that leads to Barlinnie and the more debauched and abandoned corners of MY FLAT.

But I know you’re all gagging to see that picture of the old bag again, so here it is:



And look, it’s even bigger this time.

Let no one say Toasty’s Futon doesn’t maintain its traditions.

P.S. From this webpage it would appear that Eva is every bit as old as we always suspected, and indeed was working at a hospital in Nebraska at the time of the Wall Street Crash. Oho, it’s all coming out now…

NEWS FLASH! Eva celebrated Valentine’s Day by dining (on her own, no doubt) at the Ibex in Main Street, Chaddleworth, Berks. But their hospitality has been ill repaid – she’s gone and published a rave review here. Talk about the kiss of death. No right-thinking person will set foot in the place again. ‘I'm looking forward to a repeat visit!!’ she drivels. The evacuation of Chaddleworth is in progress.

Previous briefings on Eva McIntyre

All About Eva
Throw Away The Key